


i made myself believe

by wildatlantic



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 03:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30049365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildatlantic/pseuds/wildatlantic
Summary: Toni and Martha work for an island resort off the south coast of Ireland. Dave Goodkind is pioneering a new brand of corporate 'retreat' and books the resort for the entire summer. Shelby, recently graduated from university, agrees to join the family at her father's behest who hopes that she will become the face of the company. Everything Shelby knows about herself and her family will be called into question in one summer all because of a girl that makes her feel things she thought she had buried inside herself a long time ago.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani & Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind & Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	i made myself believe

The hire car pulled to a stop and the sudden lack of motion caused Shelby to wake groggily. A harsh grey glare from the overcast sky made her wince and lift her head from her balled up jacket she had been using as a pillow. Her younger brother and sister, Spencer and Melody cheered at their arrival and jostled in the seats behind her in anticipation, each wanting to be the first out of the car. Shelby eyed the tiny harbour through the window, if it could even be called a harbour, a few rickety old boats bobbing idly on their moorings. They seemed to be travelling further and further away from modernity by the minute, despite her father’s assurances that the facilities on the island would be first class.

Her father turned to look at them from the front passenger seat and threw them a brilliantly white smile.

“Look alive, Goodkinds! Our vessel should be here to collect us at 1500 hours. I want us ready and waiting at the dock, quick time!” He clapped his hands together loudly to dictate immediate action.

Her mom immediately began gathering their things beside her as Shelby stretched to wake herself up. The energy levels the members of her family possessed were unparalleled.

Shelby could hardly believe that they were almost on the final leg of their journey. The trip thus far had been so long part of her believed that it was never going to end. She guessed she kinda had to count herself lucky that her father had spared no expense in at least making the journey comfortable. She couldn’t imagine having had to do even this three hour segment on a bus.

They bundled out of the car. Shelby took a second to take in their surroundings. There were a couple of stone buildings at the end of the singular pier that jutted out into the bay. She traced the pier with her eye and could see that while few boats could be moored here, there were many more impressive ones anchored in the bay. Her mom squeezed her arm excitedly as she breezed by her to attend to Spencer and Melody.

“This is going to be a blessed summer, kiddo,” her father remarked as he came to stand beside her, lifting his sunglasses to stare out into the bay.

“It sure is, Daddy,” Shelby confirmed with a winning smile.

He looked down at her and brought his hand up to her cheek. Shelby’s eyes widened at the display of affection. He brushed his thumb over her cheek and grimaced.

“What happened your face, darlin’? You sleep face down on your pillow now?” He dropped his hand, pulled his glasses down and walked to the back of the car, leaving Shelby to rub at the red lines on her face self-consciously. They couldn’t be that bad.

Shaking it off, she followed him to the back of the car.

“Where are we, Daddy?” Melody asked curiously.

“Well, what does your travel itinerary I made you say?” He replied while taking out the last of the luggage.

Melody reached into her pocket and pulled out the folded up itinerary. She scrutinised the page carefully, Spencer looking over her shoulder as she did so.

“It says we should be in Sc..Schull?” Melody stammered.

“It’s pronounced like skull, sweetheart,” their Mom supplied, stroking Melody’s hair gently.

“But that’s not how you spell skull,” Spencer piped in.

“You better get used to it, buddy. The Irish have their own language and spell things their own way,” Shelby explained.

The kids shrugged in acceptance and looked to their dad for what to do next.

“Dave, why don’t you go and thank that sweet driver and we’ll start bringin’ the cases to the pier,” their Mom suggested.

“Good thinkin’, sweetie.”

Shelby grabbed two wheelie cases and led the way to the pier.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Shelby wondered what the Goodkind family must have looked like to others standing together at the end of that pier surrounded by an insane amount of luggage.

Dave uncrossed his arms, looked at his watch and surveyed the water for the hundredth time. Shelby smiled to herself. She knew her Father couldn’t stand it when people didn’t stick to time as strictly as he did.

Her mom rested her hand on Dave’s shoulder. “I’m sure they’ll be here any second, honey.”

“It’s 15:01.”

Even Spencer and Melody rolled their eyes at that but none of them dared to poke fun at him.

Shelby scanned the water and saw a cruiser turn into the bay. Dave registered it soon after and visibly stood straighter. He turned to face them and looked over them all carefully. Shelby defaulted to pageant mode as she usually did whenever she felt that her dad wanted to parade her around for whatever reason. She was definitely getting those vibes right about then.

“My beautiful family,” he said approvingly.

Within a of couple minutes the cruiser was manoeuvring itself in line with the end of the pier. Shelby watched as the deckhand moored the boat at the instructions of the captain. Only when the cruiser was secure did the captain look up to take in his passengers. He smiled and Shelby could feel the sincerity in it. He made a big wave over his head before disembarking and landing promptly in front of her father.

“Dave Goodkind,” her father said, immediately proffering his hand.

The man looked at his hand with a smile playing on the corner of his lips but he shook it nonetheless. Shelby had a feeling he was the kind of guy who laughed in the face of such formalities and would have gone straight in for a hug. Shelby was loving every second of watching her father try and make himself as physically prominent as he could next to this tall stranger.

“I’m Mr Blackburn, but please, call me Asin,” he said kindly, spreading his arms wide in a welcoming gesture to all of them.

“This is my wife, Jobeth, and our children, Shelby, Spencer, and Melody.”

Asin smiled and nodded at all of them.

“There’ll be plenty of time for pleasantries back on the island. Let’s get you all on deck, I’m sure it’s been a hell of a journey.”

It took no time at all to get everything on board and stowed neatly in the cargo hold with the way that Asin was able to jump from ship to dock so lithely. Shelby could feel her father’s discomfort at not being the main man in charge. He settled for sitting in the captain’s cabin with Asin as they departed, likely talking his ear off trying to sound all knowledgeable-like about boats.

Shelby, Jobeth, Spencer and Melody all took up positions on the bow, not wanting to miss their chance to take in the view.

Asin threw his head out the captain’s window and hollered, “Next stop, Inis Spéir!”

As their speed steadily increased and they headed for the entrance of the bay, Shelby couldn’t help but feel excitement mounting within her, despite her real feelings about the purpose of their venture this summer.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Toni adjusted her position on the wooden stool and gave a good-natured pat to the horse’s flank to encourage it to bend its leg up. With the joint in place she could angle the hoof pick the way she needed it.

“That’s a good girl,” she soothed as she began the gritty work.

She could feel the hot breath of the mare on the back of her neck.

“Suaimhneas, my ponytail is not a snack, we talked about this,” she admonished her with a grin over her shoulder. Suaimhneas merely swung her head forward.

Toni pointed the hoof pick at her. “Don’t think I didn’t see that side eye you just gave me. I know your game.”

She turned back to her work and gave Suaimhneas a few gentle strokes on her side for playing ball.

Toni’s peaceful work was short-lived however as she hadn’t even finished the second hoof before she heard footsteps outside the stables. Toni looked over her shoulder expectantly and sure enough, Martha’s head popped up over the stable door not ten seconds later.

“There you are!” She yelped.

Suaimhneas immediately moved closer to the door to greet Martha, knocking Toni off her stool in the process. She honestly should have seen that coming. There wasn’t an animal on this island that didn’t love Martha. Toni huffed and stood up, brushing the hay off her leggings in the process. Martha strained to see into the stall with Suaimhneas’s muzzle in her face and disappeared from view again as she failed to stay on her tiptoes.

“Back it up, girl.” Toni put a hand on the mare’s neck and gently pushed her back so that she could open the stall door and slip out. “What’s up, Marty?”

“Toni, don’t play dumb, you know the first guests are arriving today.”

“That’s today? Completely slipped my mind,” she said with a coy smile as she fiddled with the hoof pick.

Martha pouted and gave her a disbelieving look.

“You know how important it is for today to run smoothly,” Martha pointed out sternly. “Mom says that these guys seem like they’re going to be pretty high maintenance.”

“And that is exactly why I should stay as far away from them as possible on the first day,” Toni explained pleadingly, eyes going wide in disbelief at how they couldn’t see that it wouldn’t be a good idea to have her around. “If they’re fucking snobs I’m not going to be able to keep my mouth shut and I’ll end up saying something stupid.”

“We just want everything to be perfect,” Martha sighed, disappointed in Toni’s unsurprising stubbornness. “Also, I’m really taking a big step up this year being head guest co-ordinator and I just wanted you to be there to support me.”

And with that statement Toni knew she would eventually lose this fight. She couldn’t say no to Marty. She rolled her eyes painfully and scuffed her boot on the cobbles, trying to think of any fair argument.

“Fine, I’ll help you out,” she conceded, “but can I please not be part of the cheesy welcoming committee? How about you fly solo at the very beginning and then I’ll make a late entrance or I can join when you start the tour? That’s the part I’d actually be helpful with.”

Martha mulled over her offer and seemed to accept the compromise.

“Deal, but only because I know you’d actually be really uncomfortable at the welcome drinks, not because I think you’d be a hindrance.”

“Thanks, Marty. You’re the best.” Toni pulled her into a tight hug.

“No! Off! You’re gonna get me covered in dirt and horse smell and I just changed into my good clothes.” Martha struggled to break free from her vice-like grip. Toni relinquished her hold but held onto her arms tightly.

“Martha, you are going to smash this, horse smell or no horse smell.” Martha smiled at Toni’s confidence in her.

“Will you at least put on some clean clothes?” Martha cautiously begged with a poke to Toni’s side.

“Oh, you don’t think I look professional enough in this?” She said with a smirk, a quirk of an eyebrow and a slow twirl showing off her muddy attire.

“Toni,” Martha started, exasperated at this point.

“Don’t worry! I’ll go change now, promise. Then I’m gonna go sit up on the ridge to get a good view of the royal arrival. Tenner bets either a guest or a suitcase ends up falling into the harbour.” Toni started putting away her picks and brushes to make good on her word.

“Don’t even put that kind of bad energy out there, Toni. And as soon as you see us leaving Resident Services I want you to make your way to the manors, you can catch up with us there.”

“You got it, boss.” Toni saluted her as she left.

Martha gave her one last roll of her eyes before marching out of the stables.

Toni made quick work of stowing the tack and headed out of the stables. She walked to her ATV that she had parked a few feet away. She looked at her watch and pursed her lips. If she was quick she could make it to her cabin to change clothes and make it back up to the ridge before the fresh meat arrived.

She pulled her helmet on and quickly accelerated out onto the road. She flew passed Martha as she was crossing to Resident Services who smiled at seeing Toni keeping her word. She looked up at the foreboding clouds overhead. She knew better than to hope that it wouldn’t rain. Irish weather had a way of knowing exactly what weather you wanted and providing the opposite.

She passed the exit for the harbour and was soon climbing the road through the neck of the island. Once she crested the hill, she took the sharp left which was the only route home available other than taking a boat the whole way round the island. As the sun continued its battle with the clouds she wished she had the time to appreciate the view like she normally would. But today she was on the clock.

Once home, she made herself semi-presentable in her dark green work polo, fresh work pants and clean shoes. Having made quick work of changing, she was back at the neck in no time. She left the main road and took the old harbour road that would take her to the ridge.

Toni wasn’t surprised to find that she wasn’t the only one to turn up for the show. There was always more work during the summer months which meant they could take on more staff and this year would be busier than ever. There were a lot of faces she didn’t recognise and knew that she certainly wouldn’t be getting to know all of them.

A few heads turned at the grumble of the ATV approaching but only the newbies cast around uncertain glances. They didn’t know Toni and clearly didn’t know if she was there to reprimand them for sitting around. Toni ignored them as she dismounted and made her way over to the crumbling wall where she plonked herself down beside Leah.

“Cutting it kinda close,” Leah commented without even looking up to see who it was. Toni simply grunted. “Didn’t know if you’d come for the show this year or go straight to RS.”

“This year is the same as any other year,” Toni said with a shrug, crossing her legs underneath her. Leah finally looked at her with a piercing gaze. Toni couldn’t hold it for long. It really felt like Leah could see through you sometimes.

“This is the first time in years we’ve been fully booked back to back all season. With the way the last two seasons have gone, this summer is make it or break it. And all because one man wants to host a corporate retreat, here, of all places.” Leah didn’t look for Toni to agree one way or another, she knew she was right. She studied Toni carefully.

Toni picked at the grass growing between the aged bricks and bit her lip. She knew she could trust Leah, she had been coming to work for them every year since she had been sixteen and was her oldest friend after Martha.

Toni had been biting her tongue with Martha regarding the bad feeling she’d had ever since they had taken the booking for the summer. She knew Martha would read into it way too much.

“Something just isn’t right,” Toni admitted finally. Leah stared, waiting. “Martha told me that these guests made all sorts of requests and demands. They wanted to know what kind of access staff would have to their residences. They were real concerned about their privacy. They didn’t even want any other guests to be on the island at the same time as them, offering extra money if we could cancel our bookings with the season regulars.” Leah’s eyes flickered with worry but tried to hide it by looking back out to the harbour. Toni smirked. “Don’t worry, we don’t make a habit of being dicks and cancelling our regular’s bookings. That would be so shitty, so don’t worry, the Jadmani booking still stands.”

“Am I that obvious?” Leah asked dryly.

“Nah, I just see the way you look at her, so, yeah, actually, a little obvious.”

Leah looked like she wanted to say something but was cut off by cheering from the staff.

“Here they come!” Someone yelled.

The island cruiser was pulling into the harbour. Toni and Leah sat up a little straighter.

“Fuck,” Toni cursed, “I forgot my binoculars. Have you got spa-..”

Leah was already holding out a pair for her to take.

“Every fucking year,” Leah said with a laugh as she brought her own binoculars up to her eyes.

“Fuck you,” Toni muttered, grabbing them out of her hand.

With the aid of the binoculars Toni could clearly see Martha and her mom, Bernice, waiting on the dock. A couple of porters hung back behind them at the UTVs that would be used to transport the guests. They watched as the cruiser was moored and Asin helped the guests disembark.

“He looks military,” Leah stated.

Toni shifted her gaze to the male figure Leah was referring to and saw instantly what she meant. He wasn’t a big guy but there was something about the way that he carried himself that screamed regimented. She moved onto the woman, presumably his wife. She looked soft next to his rigidity. She carefully shepherded two young teenagers, never taking her eyes off them.

Toni made a face, these guys looked like fairly standard guest fodder for the island. Yes, the father struck her as potentially being difficult but this was a five star resort, guests that could afford to stay here were difficult more often than not.

Movement by Asin behind the family caught her attention. A shock of perfectly windswept blonde hair alighted the dock with Asin’s assistance. Toni quirked an eyebrow, she doubted she had ever looked so graceful getting off the cruiser. Toni could see the smile of appreciation the girl directed at Asin even from her position at such a distance away. She watched as the family stood together, the father’s arms keeping them in perfect formation. The older girl fiddled with what Toni could only assume was a necklace.

She followed the family’s progress up to Martha and Bernice. She saw her embrace Martha warmly, a good head taller than her. Toni found herself smiling despite herself.

“Um, shouldn’t you be going?” Leah suggested, tugging the binoculars from Toni’s face.

Toni’s eyes lingered on the harbour for a brief second before coming to her senses.

“Shit!” She jumped up and ran over to her ATV. “Martha’s gonna kill me if I don’t get down there asap.”

“Later,” was all Leah said to acknowledge her departure.

Toni knew that by the time she’d even reach the neck that the guests would be between her and the manor houses. The only way to get by them unnoticed would be to off-road it to the stables and take the horse trails to the golf course then cut across to the manors from the south.

So that’s exactly what she did.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Shelby listened attentively as the Blackburns drove her and her family away from the harbour. She could feel the passion they had for the island in every word that they spoke. She hadn’t really known what to expect but it was obvious that the resort struck a keen balance between high-end luxury and respecting the original form and beauty of the island.

Even the few features she had seen so far seemed to blend seamlessly. The architecture didn’t cut away what was natural, but rather sprang forth from it.

Shelby found it comforting to have Martha, someone her own age, present. Despite the fact that she was twenty-five, a lot of people took one look at their family and thought of her as a child, closer in age to her siblings than to being an adult. Martha addressed her in her own right which made her endlessly grateful. She could tell that Martha was eager to share as much about the island as possible and they hadn’t even gotten to their accommodation yet.

Her mother and father were on the UTV ahead of them with Mrs Blackburn, or Bernice, as she insisted they all call her. Two UTVs driven by other staff members, laden with all of their luggage, took up the rear.

“We’ll be at Resident Services in no time,” Martha informed her. “It actually used to be the island’s heritage centre before we built the resort to bring more tourism to the community. I mean, I say was, it still is. It actually serves as both a heritage centre and Resident Services now.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” Shelby replied genuinely.

The steady rumble of the UTV and the warmth of the sun finally breaking through the clouds had her feeling drowsy.

“We’re going to skip Resident Services for now and bring you straight to your lodgings, your dad said it was a really long trip and that you guys could do with a rest,” Martha explained.

“That sounds great,” Shelby replied, stifling a yawn.

She zoned out a little as Spencer and Melody fired more questions at Martha to answer. They passed a building she assumed to be Resident Services and started up a gentle incline. When they levelled off, Shelby could see far enough ahead to a large estate of manor houses.

A blur of motion to the rear of the last house she could see caught her eye but it was there and gone before she could really register what it had been.

Martha drove them through the main entrance of impressive stonework. Bernice slowed down ahead of them, letting her guests take it all in. They followed the road around to the right and eventually came to a stop at the centre-most manor, facing the water.

Her father was quick to step down to study the house. There was suddenly a lot of activity on all sides as everyone moved to get off the UTVs and the porters started transporting their luggage. Shelby was left sitting on the UTV, watching everyone making their way to the house. Didn’t anyone ever take a breath?

She stepped off the UTV and turned back to retrieve her backpack. She bent down to get it as it had gotten snagged on something under the seat. Movement in the corner of her eye gave her pause. She looked to the other side of the driveway where a girl was marching around the front of an orange ATV. She was tying back her hair and fixing her clothes, cheeks flushed and breathing heavy. Shelby turned back to her task and gave her backpack a sharp yank and snapped back into a standing position as it came free.

The girl froze, startled at Shelby’s sudden appearance. Her eyes flitted from Shelby to the rest of the group that had gone ahead. This girl clearly hadn’t expected to get stuck alone with a guest.

Shelby found herself half-smiling, a tad nervous for some reason, like the wrong move or word would spook her. Brown eyes considered the group for a moment but then seemed to think better of it. She made purposeful steps across the driveway to Shelby and held her hand out stiffly.

“Welcome to Inis Spéir, my name’s Toni. I work here.”

Shelby couldn’t help but smile at the robotic greeting. She got the vibes that trying to hug this girl the way she had with Martha wouldn’t be received well. Toni’s eyes were fixed on her own hand as Shelby tentatively gripped it in her own.

“I’m Shelby, I don’t work here,” she joked.

Toni’s eyes connected with hers and away again. She nodded towards the group now going into the house.

“Martha and Bernice usually handle the introductions,” Toni said as if that explained everything.

“And, what do you handle?” Shelby asked curiously.

Toni swallowed and furrowed her brow.

“Um,” she started.

“Shelby! Get over here, darlin’, we’re waitin’ on you,” her father called from the door.

Both girls’ eyes snapped towards the house.

“Comin’, Daddy,” she called back.

Shelby stuck her hands in her pockets and took a step away from Toni with a smile before turning and heading towards the house. She walked down the driveway and looked back to see Toni following a couple of steps behind.

Shelby walked through the open front door to an open and airy foyer. She could hear that Spencer and Melody had already made a run for upstairs to fight over which bed they got. Voices from another room led her to a living area, lined with end to end glass windows that led onto a wrap-around deck. Her father had already opened the doors and was out on the deck with Bernice, Martha and her mother.

Martha looked over as she approached and Shelby smiled back but Martha’s eyes were looking passed her to Toni who was still two steps behind. Shelby couldn’t quite read the non-verbal exchange that passed between the two of them.

Martha walked to Toni and gently but firmly guided her over to the group.

Her father stopped talking at the arrival of a new face.

“Mr. Goodkind,” Martha put in, clearing her throat, “this is Toni-..”

“Ah,” her father cut across her, “from the looks of her she must be a gardener!”

Shelby could feel Toni bristle next to her as she plastered on a smile falser than any she had used in any of her pageants.

“Actually,” Toni all but seethed, “I’m a landscape architect and head groundskeeper for the resort.”

“Well, well, I stand corrected,” he chuckled but Shelby could see him sizing Toni up behind his mirth. “Who knew such a pretty little lady could do all that by herself.”

“If you have any issues or questions about the outdoor facilities, Toni will be there to help you out,” Martha supplied with finality.

“Thank you, kindly,” he replied curtly. “I have a few more things to discuss with Mrs Blackburn here, why don’t you go unpack Shelby? I’m sure Martha will show you the rest of the house.”

And just like that he had dismissed all three of them. Toni turned on her heels and headed back through the house. Shelby followed her lead with Martha in tow. When they got to the foyer, Toni was stood in the doorway, clearly waiting for Martha. Shelby could sense that Toni just wanted to get gone and was silently pleading for Martha to go with her. She looked at Toni who only held her gaze for a second, colour still high in her cheeks after her brief interaction with her father.

“Martha, you are a doll, but you really don’t have to show me the rest of the house,” Shelby interjected before she said anything. “I just wanna go to my room and take a nap.”

Relief visibly washed over Martha that she didn’t have to make a call between going to Toni or doing her job and staying with Shelby.

“Here,” Martha began, “take our card, this has my work number, both my parents’ numbers, the number for Resident Services and even Toni’s work number. Please, call any one of us if you need absolutely anything. You know what? I’ll put my personal number on the back too.”

Martha took out a pen and a business card and started scribbling her number on the back.

“You really don’t have to do that,” Shelby urged guiltily.

“Please, you’re gonna be here all summer, that practically makes us family,” Martha reassured her. “There’s so much this island has to offer and I want you to take full advantage.”

“Martha, you are too kind,” Shelby responded gratefully, her southern accent particularly pronounced.

“Don’t mention it,” Martha dismissed her gratitude and wrapped her up in a big hug.

Shelby hugged her back and looked over her shoulder where Toni stood waiting rather impatiently. She had a feeling her father’s behaviour had already put her in the girl’s bad books and they didn’t even know each other yet.

“I’ll see you later,” Martha said with a wave as she left, pushing Toni out the door ahead of her and pulling it shut behind her.

Shelby made her way to the front room to watch the girls leave. Toni looked like she wanted to get a lot off her chest there and then but Martha clearly put her foot down, wanting to get Toni as far away from the house as possible. Martha drove off on one of the UTVs, leaving Toni standing at the end of the driveway.

Toni swivelled back to face the house, hands balled into fists and immediately clocked Shelby standing in the window watching her.

Not knowing what to do, Shelby gave her an uncertain wave and a small smile.

Toni broke eye contact immediately, stormed over to her ATV and peeled off without looking back. Shelby’s stomach dropped a little at the rejection.

She turned over the card in her hand and examined it. There, in neat, black font read: Toni Shalifoe – Landscaper & Groundskeeper.

Shelby bit her lip, something about it made her smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to hear what people think and whether I should continue this fic! 
> 
> Also, I'm Irish and due to the setting of this fic there will likely be a smattering of Irish words throughout should I continue. So, let me know if I should leave notes at the start about pronunciation or if I should just leave it to people to figure out. 
> 
> Hope anyone enjoyed!
> 
> Ais x


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